Work like a Mother

There are few things in life I have invested more time and energy in than building my family and my career. In my early years of motherhood, I often saw the two at odds with each other - time spent on one was time spent away from the other. I brought different energies to each activity and often showed up as a different version of myself depending on if I was presenting a PowerPoint or playing peek-a-boo.

As I grew more confident as a mother it also raised this question, “Is this what I should be spending most of my time doing? If I am having success here should I lean in?” This sometimes cast a shadow of doubt on my career plans and the trajectory I had laid. This doubt gave rise to feelings of imposter syndrome at work - “Am I even any good at my job?”

Over the years I have worked with a career coach to help navigate some of these bigger questions. In a catch-up coffee about a year ago, I was sharing how things were going at my then-new job. I expressed my admiration for the mission and leadership but Camille picked up on my self-doubt. She stopped me and said, “Meryl, I never hear you speak this way about being a Mom, what if you brought that energy to work.”

What. a. concept.

This advice took some time to integrate (I still think about it today) but here are a few insights from what it means to me to work like a Mother.

Who told you it was going to be easy?

A few years ago when my youngest was a newborn our whole family got COVID. It was a tricky time - we were dealing with the newness of having three children, which was overwhelming - and our plans to see family and get some help for the holiday were cancelled. Needless to say, things were not going to plan.

For me, the mental struggle was worse than the physical illness and I was lamenting to my husband how stuck and frustrated I felt. Having heard variations of this theme over the years his sympathy must have finally dried up and he turned to me and said, “Who told you this was going to be easy?” (brave guy).

The honest answer is no one and everyone. We are taught as women that the goal is to have the appearance of ease and be able to juggle it all - what they do not tell you is the act of appearing at ease and juggling it all has the inverse effect on your mind and spirit. I was not at ease and felt like the balls I was juggling were already all over the floor and rolling out of the door of my house.

What his question made me realize was that my expectations were completely wrong. By focusing on why this was so hard I was creating a lot of unnecessary suffering. This changed the motherhood game for me. Reframe: being hard doesn’t mean wrong.

At work when something was hard I often felt it was because I was missing some knowledge I should have, I should be naturally good at this. Time and energy were spent on why it was hard not addressing the issue at hand. By the time I got around the addressing the issue I was tired, worn out, and beaten down. What a waste!

It doesn’t matter how others would do it - it matters how you would do it

There are endless articles out there about comparison being the thief of joy, and for good reason. The best antidote to this I have found is a connection with yourself and what matters to you.

As a Mom, after my brief bout of attempting to be Pinterest-y and picture-perfect, I decided my value was found elsewhere. I decided to take the performance out of motherhood and focus on what I uniquely bring to my kids - weird poems, a tolerance for mess, a love of butter and cheese, and a deep commitment to enjoying life. I do not make enviable goody bags or really anything catalog picture-worthy, but I did make this guy and I think he is pretty cool.

At work, comparison plays out in the form of imposter syndrome. There came a point where I had to say to myself. “It doesn’t matter if someone else may do it better, I am the Mother ** in this job so, at least right now, the only thing that matters is how I do it” and suddenly, I was free.

Creativity and Love belong everywhere

Over and over again in motherhood, I am reminded that the answer is a little bit of creative thinking and a lot of love and compassion.

I have come to firmly believe that the same goes for work (and really all areas of life). To bring your unique value to work you need to love yourself, have compassion and true empathy for others, be willing to get wildly creative.

Don’t work with the end in mind, you are exactly where you are supposed to be

Although my desire for my children to be happy, successful adults influences my approach to parenting I do not spend each day preparing them for their careers and making 5-year plans for them. I invest my time and energy in getting to know them and encouraging them to learn how to be themselves. The day-to-day details of studying for a spelling quiz, playing board games, and sharing toys with siblings are all the most important things you can be doing and are the building blocks for that eventual success. The deeper I got into the present moment and meeting my kids where they were in their lives the more joy, connection, and success I felt as a parent.

At work successes often felt fleeting. After I reached a goal I immediately set my sights on the next wrung. By applying what I learned as a mom I shifted my focus to enjoying and learning from what is happening right now because chances are what I learn now will get me where I need to go. Set the intention and let it unfold.

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Yes, moms are good at prioritization, effective executors, natural empaths, conscientious leaders, and more. But, what I have found is the metamorphosis in motherhood and being witness to our personal transformation makes us realize not only that transformation is possible but we know how to do it. That, is working like a Mother.